Lesson 2: How to Give Feedback Without Starting a War
How to Give Feedback Without Starting a War
Feedback is one of the most powerful tools a leader has. It is also how most leaders accidentally blow up their relationships. The difference between feedback that helps and feedback that hurts is almost entirely about delivery.
The Problem With Honest Feedback
Some people use I am just being honest as a license to be unkind. Honesty without compassion is just criticism wearing a noble costume. Good feedback is honest AND useful AND delivered in a way the person can actually receive it.
The SBI Model
Situation: Describe the specific situation. Not you always do this, that is a story. In yesterday meeting, that is a fact.
Behavior: Describe what you observed, not what you interpreted. You interrupted twice is observable. You were being rude is interpretation. Stick to what actually happened.
Impact: Describe how it affected you or the group. When that happened, I felt like my idea was not being heard. This is honest and non-accusatory.
SBI keeps feedback about behavior, not character. Nobody can change who they are. They can change what they do.
Positive Feedback Is Also Feedback
Vague praise like good job is nearly worthless. Specific praise like the way you stayed calm when things got chaotic kept the whole group focused is gold.
Try This Today
- Give one piece of specific positive feedback to someone using the SBI model
- Think of feedback you need to give someone and draft it using Situation, Behavior, Impact
- Ask someone: Is there anything I do that makes it harder for you to work with me? Then just listen.